Inbetweens

Some lovely person knew I needed something to post today - and so she sent me these. I know some of them are old, but they are all funny. I hope you enjoy them!

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered. "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, he wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN no name AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. wouldn't submit his name.

PLEASE, tell me how in the world doctors and nurses can keep a straight face when their patients say things like these??!!

Music

I have another story posted at Ronni's today. I hope you'll read, enjoy and comment!

Can-Can was a 1960 movie celebrating the music of Cole Porter. I had forgotten how many great songs were in this movie until I watched it Friday night. I am so glad that a lot of the good movies from the 40's, 50's and 60's are being brought out on DVD! The movie takes place in 1896 in Montmartre, in a cafe known for the can-can, a dance thought by many to be vile and unchaste, which had been banned from public viewing. The cafe proprietor is Shirley McLaine (Simone) and Frank Sinatra is her lawyer/suitor. Maurice Chevalier is a judge, as is Louis Jourdan. We are treated to all of them singing at some point. If you haven't heard Maurice Chevalier or Frank Sinatra singing C'est Magnifique, you should rent this DVD. Juliet Prowse appears as a cafe dancer, and at a fancy dress ball held in the cafe, she and Shirley perform a ballet of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, where Juliet is the serpent. It is a wonderfully choreographed dance!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

In the last 3-4 days, I have been listening to the Beatles Anthology. Soon after the set came out, I got it for Christmas. "The Long and Winding Road" is playing now, and Shake Rattle and Roll and Blue Suede Shoes just finished. It is funny to me that Blue Suede Shoes sounded more countrified when the Beatles sang it than when Elvis did. Many of the songs on this CD were recorded under casual circumstances; they might have been rehearsing or just playing around. The songs are punctuated by laughs, un-planned riffs and the voices of the four guys can be heard as well. You could almost imagine that you were there in the room with them.

I was 22 when I heard the Beatles for the first time. I was hooked from the first five minutes of "I Want to Hold Your Hand." Paul was my favorite and while I didn't scream like the teeny-boppers back then, I did fantasize about him. I quit that a long time ago, but I still love their music and for me it has only gotten better with time.

Tips for Better Living and a Pic

I took these guys out of the pool skimmer this morning. Good thing I rescued them when I did. I don't think they were long for the world and they were sharing space with a dead mole. Ick. I think they said thanks.

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I can't vouch for all of these, but most of them sound plausible. If you can verify any of them, let me know.

Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear...Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

Kill fleas instantly...Dawn dishwashing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas.

Rainy day cure for dog odor ....Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

Did You Know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-- without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."

Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-- even though the product was never been advertised for this use.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes ... Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus. Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection... To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer ... If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover. Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's tomato paste boil cure ....cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters... To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine, a powerful antiseptic.

Vinegar to heal bruises .... Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief... It's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

Ms. Maxine, Plus a Confession

I'll admit to being in a sort of odd mood lately. Most of my clothes don't fit, and some of the ones that do are so old I should be ashamed to wear them out of the house. Whenever I look around the stores for clothes, I don't see much that is appealing, and if I like it, it doesn't look good on me or they lack my size. One of my mom's favorite sayings was "There goes mutton dressed like lamb." That's what she always said when she saw a woman who had on clothing befitting someone much younger. It drove home a point and nowadays I try very hard to dress with a youngish attitude - but not so trendy as to make a fool of myself. That's a fine line that's hard not to cross sometimes. Combine that with trying to minimize the negatives and maximize the positives - and you have a real dilemma. Sometimes, wearing all black is the easy way out. I still like black, but I'm tired of it. It's better than mauve crepe with a rose at the waist, though...

LOL!!

There's the added problem of funds, as there is seldom enough to make a shopping trip fun and not a worrisome chore. Maybe I worry too much. Plenty of people just pull out the credit cards and let the chips fall when the bill arrives. I don't want to do that anymore. So with me it's pay as you go or don't buy. Until today.

Today I got tired of caring whether I had a credit bill to pay next month or not. Today, I paid little attention to the cost of things (although everything was on sale, and some of it up to 70% off). I whipped out that credit card as if it were the most natural thing in the world and now I have something to wear to my high school reunion next month. I think. It may be too dressy, or too hot. I'm not sure I have shoes that go with it. Who knows? But at least it is new - not ten years old like most everything else in my closet.

Do you hate to shop? Do you have trouble finding stuff you like? Where do you shop most often?

My Paper Dolls

This is the latest set from Mary Engelbreit. Don't you want to come over and play? I am going to find all of mine and start cutting them out so I can surprise my granddaughters when they come to visit. I'll show you more later on.

We had huge thunderstorms here yesterday, starting about 4pm. I was off-line all night, since the cable went out. I missed blogging, but I watched a 4-episode DVD of Monk and laughed all evening!

8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8

By dint of visiting someone, I have to do the "8 Random Facts" meme. I guess I wouldn't have to, but someone said do it, so I am. I just wish I could remember who...LOL!

THE RULES:


1. Post these rules before you give the facts.

2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.

3. At the end of your post, choose (tag) eight people and list their names (linking to them).

4. Leave them a comment on their blog letting them know they’ve been tagged!

I'm only doing the first two. If you want to do the meme, you are welcome to it!

Eight Random Facts About Me

1. As a young child with no siblings, I was lonely much of the time. Whenever there was another child around, I would bribe them to come home and play with me. The bribes were usually things like promising them my tricycle or a favorite doll. It made my mom so mad that she would meet kids at the door and say "What did she say you could keep?" ......or "No, I will not allow her to give that away!" Most of the time they stayed to play anyway, but sadly, a few did not. I still remember how badly that hurt.

2. All through high school, I wanted to become an architect, but I was scared of math and stopped taking any math classes after algebra in 8th grade. It was then virtually impossible to become an architect if you didn't have at least a small working knowledge of plane geometry. After being accepted to a good university school of architecture, they told me I'd have to take plane geometry in summer school, and then they'd admit me in the fall. I took the class for 2 weeks and quit, which sealed my fate. At the time I said I couldn't handle the heat on the third floor of an un-airconditioned school. Reflecting on it years later, I realize I was scared stiff to leave home and go away for four years. So, I ended up living at home for 5 more years - and I graduated from a university in my home town. This is one of my big regrets. I should have finished plane geometry. After all, I had a B in the class when I quit. I would have been a heckuva good architect.

3. My big desire since the days of ancient history classes is to climb the pyramids at Giza in Egypt. It will never happen; I am getting to old to be able to climb the height of those huge blocks of granite or whatever they are made of. Maybe in the next life....! I will have to be content with climbing to the top of a smaller pyramid in Mexico, at Chichen Itza, which we did in the 80's. Another desire is to walk the Great Wall in China (at least for a little way). That one is slightly more attainable, I think. Know what mr. kenju calls Chichen Itza? "Chicken Pizza" (it drives me crazy, and of course, that's why he does it!).

4. One of my very best friends died of colon cancer at age 77 back in the 90's. She had not had any colonoscopies since she retired (at age 68), because her insurance covered such a small amount of the total cost, and she was on a fixed income. She simply could not afford to pay the $1400 it would have cost her at the time. But that decision eventually cost her her life. I resolved then and there to always have a colonoscopy when it was time for one, no matter what my financial circumstances were. Colon cancer is the most curable type of cancer if it is caught early enough. All you need to do is have a colonoscopy at age 50 and have another when the doctor tells you it is needed, usually in 10 years, unless they find polyps, and then you may have to do them more often. Of course, the idea of having one (or getting ready for one) is distasteful and sometimes embarrassing. So what? Would you rather be embarrassed by that test - or find yourself dying of colon cancer because of not doing it? The choice is yours.

5. I like to play with paper dolls, and have since I was about five. I haven't done it much lately (LOL, except with my granddaughters) but today I picked up the latest page from Mary Engelbreit's Home Companion Magazine and started cutting them out. I'll show them to you later. I used to have a subscription to that magazine, and I faithfully kept all the paper dolls from each issue. I think I must have 40-60 of them. They are saved in a plastic box, until such time as I could cut them out. I think that time has come! They aren't doing us much good in a box, are they!?

6. Someone asked me last week....."How many blogs do you read everyday?" I laughed, since my blogroll shows 123 blogs in it. If I read every one of them every day, I'd do nothing else but read blogs! Bloglines came to my rescue. I set up an account with them and entered the blogs I wanted to subscribe to and now, when I click on there - all the blogs with new posts show up in bold print. It sure saves a lot of time! Now if I could just figure out why some blogs won't work through them. I think when you set up your settings, you have to click on something that says "allow rss feeds", or something like that. If you don't do that, then no one can subscribe to your blog through Bloglines at least, and perhaps no other feed service either. Check it now, huh?

7. Boy, this is getting hard. I have already told you so much on this and my former blog; there's not a whole lot left to tell. Regardless of the fact that my title is "Imagine What I'm Leaving out" - there ain't much that's missing!! How about this bit of exciting news? I have a file cabinet with household, insurance and bank information dating back to the 70's. It really needs to be cleaned out, and the majority of the contents should be shredded. But see, I can't do it without mr. kenju here at my side, because as sure as I start - he'll come up and say "What'd you throw that away for? We might need that someday if we're ever audited." It's a real dilemma, folks, and as Jeff Kay on the WVSR would say......"I can't have that!"

8. Almost done.....whew.......what small tidbit can I confess to this late in the game? I had my tonsils removed at age four. I can still remember the dreams I had during anesthesia. I was trapped in a net attached to the ceiling of the operating room; lying up there watching the surgeon operate on me. Now I would call that an OOBE - or out-of-body-experience, but then I had no idea what it was. I had another one while I was getting married. I was standing on the altar and I heard every word the priest said, but I was up in the balcony watching all the action. It was sort of fun and scary all at the same time. Have you ever had an OOBE? (being drunk at the time doesn't count!)

You Just Can't Make This Stuff Up!

If I sat here for weeks and tried to think of combinations to make you laugh, I couldn't come up with the likes of these! My apologies to the real people behind the announcements, but darn it all, didn't you think about this before you got engaged?

I have, as some of you know, a collection of funny and odd names that I have been amassing for almost 40 years. I have an announcement of a woman named Truly Gold, who married Cary S. Boring - so now she is Truly Boring!

Then there was one from Beverly Hills, CA: Chandler Louise Cooke married Patrick Chandler - so she's Chandler Chandler. I wonder what clerks say when she has to give her name?

A few others in my collection are: Shannon Lay Offut and Melissa Getzoff Daly.

And for those who ask, they came in an email from an old friend!

I am PO'd with the PO!

Back here in April and here in March, I wrote about the problems I was having with the Post Office. You may refresh your memory, if you like.

The only response I ever got (in late May) was from a woman who said she was a Customer Service Representative for the Postal Service. I explained the problems to her and she asked for the envelopes from all the delayed mail I had eventually received, claiming they would "tell her" what had happened to the mail that caused it to be delayed for so long.

You know how you put something in a special place so you'll know exactly where it is when you need it? Yeah, right. I couldn't find them to save my soul! So I told her if I did find them, I'd call her again. Two weeks ago, I found them (right under my nose) and promptly called Ms. Hill. She was on vacation, so I left a message asking her to return my call. That didn't happen; I had to call several times, and this morning I finally got a real person on the phone instead of voicemail.

I had to read the postmark on the letters (which ranged from December 6, 2006 to February 28, 2007), and then the dates on the yellow forwarding stickers, which were either March 5th or March 6th, 2007). Her explanation for the delays was that the mail had been mis-boxed, and the person(s) who had received them had delayed returning them to the P.O. Furthermore, she blamed the mis-deliveries on temporary workers hired for the Holiday season.

Now I can understand a few pieces of mail being mis-boxed by a harried temp, and I can also understand a person taking the mail out of the box and home without checking to see it if was all for them. I have done that too, but I always took the mis-delivered mail back to the P.O. by the next day. I hope others would do that too. I just don't think any other customer held my six pieces of mail for three months! That is a cop-out.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most about this is that I had no response from the local station manager, no response from the local postmaster and no personal response from the Postmaster General of the US. And the woman I spoke with offered no apologies for the poor service at all. She did admit that she had had other complaints about the physical appearance and parking-lot problems at that station, so she was going to report them to the local postmaster.

The purpose of writing this is to ask all of you to be careful if you have a Post Office Box and you close it. Stay on top of the employees there, to make certain that your first-class mail is really being forwarded to your new address. I wish I had.

A Review, A Quote and A new Word

I cannot recommend this movie more highly - for anyone over 60 - for widows - and for women who love to look at delicious men! Starring Joan Plowright, one of Britain's most celebrated actresses and introducing Rupert Friend, whom I predict will be a famous leading man before long. Go here to read a synopsis . Here is a cast bio for Rupert:

London's newest young actor, Rupert Friend attended the Webber Douglas Academy of Dramatic Arts, and has already made a name for himself in such films as "The Libertine" and "Pride and Prejudice."

In Mrs. Palfrey, Rupert has risen to the challenge of playing a lead role - and when your co-star is someone as seasoned as Joan Plowright, that's saying something.

The movie is a little slow in places, but the characters are endearing and lovely to look at (at least Rupert is!)

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Word of the Day: Abibliophobia (noun)Pronunciation:[ê-bi-bli-ê-'fo-bee-yê]

Definition: The morbid fear of running out of reading material.

Usage: It is quite interesting that this word has popped up on the Web, the greatest source of reading material the world has ever known. Irony will never cease.

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Nothing produces such odd results as trying to get even.

Franklin P. Jones

True or False?

Take the test! and go to Ronni's for another story of mine!

1. A courteous response to a telephone call coming to you at your workplace would be to name your firm and follow with "How may I help you?" T F

2. Writing thank you notes is a social, rather than a business, courtesy.

T F

3. You should rise and offer your hand across your desk as an immediate acknowledgement of a client. T F

4. A telephone number must be repeated when leaving voice mail, once at the beginning of the message and again when concluding the message. T F

5. Men should stand for all introductions, but women may remain seated.

T F

6. At a reception, hold your beverage in your right hand. T F

(answers to these will be in the comments. Don't peek!)

This is an excerpt from a speech I heard last week, given by an etiquette expert at our florist's association meeting. Cecelia Grimes has excellent credentials and she gave a very good talk on business etiquette. Here is her website. She is available for talks to groups and clubs, and is a worthwhile and entertaining speaker, whether the subject is business or social etiquette.

Here is a list of faux pas she discussed. We have all experienced a few of these, I am sure!

1. Chewing and popping gum in a business or a professional setting.

2. Continuing a personal conversation wih a colleague when approached by a client/customer.

3. Having soft-drink cans and snack wrappers in view of customers.

4. Responding to a request with "I don't know." Even if the information is unknown to you, the correct response is "Just a moment, please, and I'll get that information for you."

The printed handout concluded with this list of irrating things. Which of them bugs you the most?

1. Listening to a diner blow his nose at the table.

2. Enduring another's personal cell phone call.

3. Experiencing uncertainty about who is paying for a meal.

4. Sitting near a person who is smoking.

5. Watching a person "double-dip" at a reception.

6. Having a dinner partner who chews with his mouth open.

7. Realizing that someone doesn't remember your name, just after you've been introduced.

8. Seeing a driver use a cell phone while driving.

9. I added: a driver who plays his radio/CD so loudly that the bass rattles in your chest when you stop for a signal light.

Do you have any pet peeves to add to this list?

Inbetweens - Laws you can't get away from

Some oldies.....but still funny!

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines in a store (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Bio-Mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee : As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location : No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.


Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Serving Lunch

I had people in for lunch on Friday! That's not a frequent occurrence here, so it was special to me. The invitees were two bloggers; one local and one visitor. It was great to see one again and so nice to meet the other. I won't tell you who they are (at their request), but I can tell you about the visit, can't I?

My iris bed was full to brimming, and needed to be thinned out. I offered them to my friend who has a new home and she accepted. She also asked if she could bring someone to help dig them out of the ground and that was music to my ears! I decided to invite them to lunch as well. They arrived at 11 am, and the iris were quickly dispatched to a cardboard box, on the way to their new home not too far away.

We sat and talked for a while, and we noted how interesting it is to talk to someone you're seeing for the first time, but you already think you know them, simply because of the blog posts we read and share every day. It's a good feeling!

Lunchtime came, and I served the meal: homemade vegetarian white bean soup, tarragon chicken salad sandwiches on Italian boule slices, fresh cherries, blueberries and cantaloupe with Havarti cheese and fresh limeade, sweetened with Splenda (but not enough of it....ick). We brought up the rear with ice cream, which was surprisingly good, seeing as how it was fat-free and no sugar added.

After lunch I revealed what my daughter the lawyer said that morning. I told her that I was in the kitchen preparing for my lunch guests who were coming later. She asked who they were, and I said they were bloggers. She began to rail about how when they found me hacked to death and bloodied, she didn't want to be called about it. See, she has this idea that everyone on the web is a sinister person with no reedeming social or moral values. I have explained until I am blue in the face how bloggers have been meeting each other for years, and nothing bad has ever happened - at least not that we're aware of. It is, after all, a little different than chat rooms and personal dating sites.

It was good for mr. kenju to meet some of the bloggers too. He used to have the same attitude about blogging that my daughter has, until he began to read some of the comments I receive and then following their links back to and reading other people's posts. He mentioned that most of the people whom I read on a daily basis are intelligent and also good writers. I said, of course they are - or I wouldn't be wasting my time doing it!

I know that some of us have mentioned this before in our posts, but how do you explain blogging to your friends and relatives, especially if they are leery of it? Or do you?

Addendum: I bought my copy of Harry Potter at 11:00 am and promptly read 30 pages in the car. It is sooooo good! I can't wait to get back to it!

Inbetweens

I have started a new category: "inbetweens" will refer to the crazy email things I post to fill in between more serious posts.

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he walked on water and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. (ain't that the truth!?)

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the- room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many. (here's another truism!)

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? (too often!)

16. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

A Bit of Excitement

The likes of which I hope we never have again!

I was about to leave the grocery yesterday when my cell phone rang. It was Mr. kenju, who suggested that if I was on my way home, I might want to turn and go the other direction for a while. Our street (a short one with a cul-de-sac on each end) was host to 8 fire trucks and several other vehicles. Apparently, our neighbor's home was on fire, but he didn't know any details. He had tried to leave for an appointment and was turned back by a fireman who wouldn't let him through the area.

Having a car full of groceries, I was determined to get them home and into the refrigerator or freezer. This was the hottest day of the year (98*) so far, and I was not about to lose $100+ worth of food if I could help it. I drove toward home and was met by a sort-of informal roadblock two streets over. I pled my case to the block-ee and he told me to park my car and walk toward home with my perishables. Luckily I had a cooler bag I had filled, so I hoisted it over my shoulder and set out toward home, carrying two more plastic bags in the other hand. It must have been 20-25 pounds worth. I had gone one-half block when he shouted that I could drive home, but to be exceedingly careful and go slowly. I trudged back to the car, cursing under my breath.

As I passed the neighbor's home, I couldn't see fire or smoke, but she was out on the driveway with 8-10 firemen, and 5-6 cat carriers. This woman owns 8 cats. I went home and put my food away and then went to her house to see what had happened. A fan had overheated and caught fire. I don't know if it was a ceiling fan or a floor fan, but she was using it to keep the cats cool. It is a darn good thing she was at home when it happened, although I assume that if she were not home, the fan wouldn't have been on. I know I never leave home with a fan running. She had found all but one of her cats; one ran outside in all the confusion. None of her cats has ever been outdoors, so I can imagine how scared they were, especially the one who escaped. We are hoping that one finds his way back home soon.

She has a lot of smoke damage, and she may not be able to live in her house until they get all that out. She said they might have to replace some sheet rock and flooring. I feel so sorry for her. I've never experienced anything like that, but my grandparent's home burned when my mom was young, so I know how harrowing it can be. I pray that neither you or I ever have to go through anything like that.

You've heard of Indian rope tricks? How about this wiring, huh? Maybe this is why we have a hard time hearing and understanding the people in customer service or tech service when the calls are transferred over there? I suggest they tear it all down and start over, and maybe enact some laws and regulations for future wiring.....LOL

(scroll down for another set of photos)

Trompe L'oeil

Nature's fool-the-eye masterpiece. The parrot flowers grow somewhere in southeast Asia, but I'm not sure where. Aren't they something?!

I've Been Awarded!

I got this email yesterday from Pat at PastImperfect :

"I've given you an award over at my site. If you like it you can pass it on to 5 others you think deserve it.”

It is the Blogger Reflection Award . According to the blurb, “This award should make an individual reflect upon five bloggers who have been an encouragement, a source of love, impacted you in some way, and who have provided a Godly example. In other words, five dear bloggers whom, when you reflect upon them, you are filled with a sense of pride and joy...of knowing them and being blessed by them."

I am honored to be selected for this, though I doubt I fill all those requirements!

Here are my five (plus one):

1. Naomi, of Here in the Hills, whom I hope to someday meet. I'd love to see her beautiful garden and hear her wonderful tales of Hollywood in person. I'd like to bring her flowers from me and share a cake from one of those incredible bakers she knows about and take pics all afternoon, and then share a Cobb salad for dinner, while reflecting on all her art works. It would be such fun!

2. Gene, otherwise known as OldHorsetailSnake who has been through a lot since I first started reading him, and has never lost his sense of humor. On those rare days when he permits a glimpse of the real Hoss, he reveals a warm and loving spirit, despite his daily persona. He's someone I'd like to meet as well.

3. Roxanne, or SRP, of Melange. Her photos and commentary never fail to make us stop and reflect on life, and reminds us to be thankful for whatever it brings. Her current series on the big move to a lovely new home is most interesting, as are all her photo posts. I also hope to meet her someday (and Max and all the kitties).

4. Anna, of Annapics. I have known her family since before she was born. Beside being an excellent photographer who sees things we might not otherwise notice, she is a warm, loving and giving person. She is a good wife, a good mother and a very good daughter. I am proud to call her friend.

5. Carmi, of Writteninc. What can I say about Carmi? He is a wonderful and intelligent writer, an excellent husband and father and photographer extraordinaire. He makes us think, and like Anna, he sees things we might not notice without him to point them out. He's thoughtful and he writes the most incredibly astute comments about the most mundane things. I'd love to meet him, Morah Mommy and their children.

Honorable Mention: Shephard, of Shubert Alley, who never fails to delight in some way, whether it is with photos of his incredibly cute cats or beautiful houses or the series, Medicine Monday. He is wise beyond his years. You owe it to yourself to meet Shephard on his blog (I also hope to meet him in person! He'd be the perfect tour guide for a trip to California!)

Many of you are already familiar with my choices, so I don't really have to explain why I selected them. I will say they all provide ongoing humor, beauty of spirit and an honest reflection of life's gifts. All of them are excellent photographers and writers.

Rest assured, I could easily name 10 or 15 more. If I left you out, it was only because I was limited to a small number. Now here are the instructions for the five (plus Shephard) whom I have awarded:

1. Copy this bit of the post.

2. Reflect on five bloggers and write a least a paragraph about each one.

3. Make sure you link this post so others can read it and the rules.

4. Leave your chosen bloggers a comment and let them know they’ve been given the award.

5. Place the award icon on your site

You Think You Had a Bad Day?

click to enlarge!

A Bird in the Hand.....

This woman lives in a hummingbird migration zone in Louisiana. She got the hummingbirds used to her presence by standing beside the feeder, and then one day she put a small red dish of sugar water in her hand. This is the result.

A 'Quick' Trip

We were in the car Saturday, wending our way to our son's home 80 miles away. My daughter called my cell phone, and as usual, said "Where are you?" I replied that we were sitting in a huge parking lot otherwise known as Route 40 West.

Last year, road crews supposedly finished the last 20 miles or so of re-paving and additional lanes to a stretch of Route 40 that reaches from the Raleigh-Durham airport to beyond Chapel Hill. Commuters everywhere cheered and looked forward to shorter drive times, and their joy was cut short almost immediately by the announcement that the just laid pavement was chipping and buckling because the wrong materials were used. Millions of dollars had gone up in smoke right before our very eyes. Then the redo began. Mr. kenju and I don't travel that area often, so we are unfamiliar with the new traffic patterns. Four and five lanes narrow to three, then two and eventually one. For at least 10-15 miles, there is only ONE lane open to do the work of four. Can you imagine the back-up? It took us 3 and one-half hours to make the trip that usually is completed in 75 minutes.

We might have chucked it all and gone back home, but we were delivering a small granddaughter (who had been with us for 3 days) to her cousin's home for a visit. Her parents are celebrating 3 years of marriage and my daughter's birthday, and will be away for 3-4 days. As much as I love that little girl, I was determined to leave her with her cousins! Having been under the weather for a week, I was exhausted by her very presence. So, we persevered, arriving later than we'd planned, tired and hungry.

I had no more than entered the door, when the clarion call came and I had to rush to the bathroom. I thought that my illness of the previous 8 days had abated, but nooooooooooo, it had roared back full force. I will not bore you nor embarrass myself further with the icky details, but suffice it to say I spent the better part of the next 2 hours in my daughter-in-law's bathroom. She was kind enough to prepare a pan of plain, white rice for me, in addition to the nice dinner she made for the family. After a while, my stomach settled down and I was able to sleep well.

Sunday, I didn't want to brave going to their swim club with them, so I stayed on the couch with the TV remote, a blanket and two chihuahuas to keep me company. Eventually, we drove back home, and luckily, the eastbound traffic was fast moving. We arrived without incident and were welcomed by two kitties who didn't know whether to act happy to see us - or be mad because we had left them alone for a night!

Edit: I have a story at Ronni's site today as well. See it here:

http://ronnibennett.typepad.com/elderstorytelling/2007/07/old-friends-cam.html

On a lighter note (pun intended) the scale shows I have lost seven pounds! There's a silver lining to every cloud - it you will but look for it!!

A Wedding Ring Legend

Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger?

There is a convincing explanation given by the Chinese...

Thumb represents your Parents.

Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings.

Middle finger represents you.

Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner.

Last (Little) finger represents your children.

First, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers down and hold them together - back to back. (as in the photo above)

Second, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb - tip to tip.

Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)..., they will open, because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.

Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing siblings)...., they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.

Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your children).., they will open too, because the children also will get married and settle down on their own some day.

Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing your spouse). You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT....., because Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!!

(I don't know what this means for those who get divorced, especially if there was a compelling reason for it. But it makes a nice legend.)

Ain't that the truth!! Life is like that.
Please scroll down for another new post.

Is it any wonder that we have traffic problems? Click to enlarge. We had 23,500 people move here in from 2005 to 2006. No area is equipped to handle that many new people and be able to provide them with the services they require. If only all those magazines and polls would quit naming us the most desirable place in the country!

You May Be a Redneck......

I wonder if there's a pool on top?

This makes perfect sense to me - clean up would be sooooo easy!

I'd have to build some walls.....LOL ...or at least a curtain.

Try this in the grocery. Old ladies with shopping carts parked in the middle of the aisle had better scurry!

Ocean motion!

The Last Australia Photos

I am sure that viewing Sydney Harbour is best done in bright sunlight, but when these pics were taken, it was raining.



If you click and enlarge, you can see much more detail.

Sydney Opera House

I hate to admit it, but I am still under the weather a bit. My granddaughter is coming here to visit for 3 days this afternoon, so I may not get to do much on here for a while. Bear with me, I shall return.

Quotes of Note ~ Plus

(Not you......of course!)



I knew there was a good reason I have always loved Charlie Gibson!

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The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been.

Madeleine L'Engle, writer (1918- )

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I Learned Something New this week!

Word of the Day: Digamy (Noun)

Pronunciation: ['di-gê-mi]
Definition: A second marriage after a divorce or the passing of a spouse, deuterogamy.

Usage: Bigamy is marriage to two spouses simultaneously; digamy is marriage to two spouses in succession. Polygamy is marriage to several partners simultaneously—"polygyny" refers to having several wives while "polyandry" refers to having several husbands. The adjective for today's noun is "digamous" and sounds like "bigamous."

by Dr. Language, yourDictionary.com

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Language is more fashion than science, and matters of usage, spelling andpronunciation tend to wander around like hemlines. -Bill Bryson, author(1951- )

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Books are the compasses and telescopes and sextants and charts which other men have prepared to help us navigate the dangerous seas of human life.

Jesse Lee Bennett

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The man who thinks he can do without the world is indeed mistaken; but the man who thinks the world cannot do without him is mistaken even worse.

Francois, duc de La Rochefoucauld, writer (1613-1680)

Summer Camp.......

All three of my children attended a summer camp in Virginia when they were young, and now my grandchildren are going to the very same camp. How wonderful is that?

On Sunday, my daughter and her brother drove to the camp to deposit three of her kids there for two weeks. The older boy attended last summer - didn't want to leave then and couldn't wait to return. I think that speaks well of it, don't you? He is now joined by his sister and brother, and next year when his youngest cousin reaches the age of ten, there will be two more to join them. I pity the seven year old because she has to wait three years to reach the age limit.

My children have such fond memories of the camp, even though they found lots to complain about back then. The food was horrible. The cabins too rustic. Too many spiders. Dampness creeping into the sleeping bags. The smelly latrines. Ick. Not seeing mom and dad for two whole weeks. Not enough care packages or letters. But even with all those bad conditions, they find it necessary to subject their own kids to the same place. LOL

My son says driving down the road to the camp is like entering a time warp. A few of the same people are still there - as counselors or administrators, who were there as campers or counselors in the 70's. There have been a few improvements, of course, but it remains essentially the same as it was back then. One might expect a lot of changes over the years, but I think it is comforting to know that it is the same place. A tree house was built in the 70's. My son was instrumental in getting that started. I hear it fell down in the late 90's, but for many years it was a part of the camp that many kids looked forward to visiting, especially the boys. They have a campfire every night, and they all sit around it and sing and tell stories.

They grow a lot of the foods that are prepared for the campers, and the menus are healthy, no junk foods allowed. The children seem to carp about that for 2-3 days, but by the end of the 2 weeks they don't mind. One thing I noticed both in my children and in my grandson, is that at the end of the second week, they are different kids. They are calm, serene, and active but somehow quieter. They seem to focus on what is important in life - our relationships with each other - and forget about their video games and TV. Too bad we can't seem to foster those feelings on a year-round basis!

Some things never change. As my daughter was preparing to leave after making sure the children were settled in, she and the younger boy walked across the "big meadow" by the mess hall. He said, in a very loud voice....."Mom, my counselor is weird!" The meadow has a wicked echo, so everyone within 1/4 mile probably heard him. She told him to hush (and why) and his eyes got big as saucers. He asked "What if he heard me?" Poor baby, I am sure he isn't the first camp counselor who has been told he is weird!

If you are interested in a summer camp for your children, check it out here.

Seven-Seven-Oh-Seven !

the most popular wedding date of the decade...maybe even the century. Here are scenes from my 7-7-07 wedding. I didn't get shots of the bride's bouquet or the altar flowers, but these are from the reception at Carolina Country Club. I have a collection of silver plated containers, which have proven popular with my brides over the years. Everytime I deliver them, I wonder if they will all return, but I have been lucky and only one or two have disappeared.

You can't tell it from this angle, but there were three teapots on this table. I'm sure it was a good conversation-starter, as usual (not for the flowers, mind you, but the whimsy of the teapots).

The main buffet centerpiece is in a tall silver urn, and it holds larkspur, bells of Ireland, hydrangea, allium, roses, iris, snapdragons, freesias, lilies, springerii, salal, ivy and moss.

This is my favorite silver piece. It is a Victorian container, which once held a glass insert. Click to enlarge and see the whimsical details on the base of it. You can't see it, but the handle, which is down, has a very detailed stag's head at its center.

Details from the buffet flowers. The purple fluff ball - allium - is always a big hit. The women of the altar guild at the church all flocked around the altar arrangements to see the allium. Would you believe it is in the onion family?

The acuba came from my yard.

One of a pair of decorated railings at the entrance to the club.