Friday, July 20

Inbetweens

I have started a new category: "inbetweens" will refer to the crazy email things I post to fill in between more serious posts.

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he walked on water and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. (ain't that the truth!?)

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the- room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many. (here's another truism!)

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? (too often!)

16. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

17 comments:

Nancy said...

OK Judy, I'll take the bait!



"Do you believe in premarital sex?"

"It's all right as long as they don't block the aisle."

My next house will have no kitchen,just a vending machine and a large trash can,

Definition of a teenager.
God's punishment for enjoying sex

If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

My doctor asked me if I was sexually active, and I told him no I usually just lie there.

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat,drink and be Mary.

3M will merge with Goodyear and become MMMGood.

If at first you do not succeed,skydiving is not for you.

What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
Keep busy.If you're handy with tools you can finish the basement.When you are done you will have a place to live.

Chancy said...

I love these "inbetweens"
Thanks :)

kenju said...

NANCY: Thanks! Yours are funny!

aka_Monty said...

HAHAHA! I love those--and a couple of them were new to me!
I wish I had coffee mugs with those sayings on them.... :)

Hiya Kenju! Michele sent me today!
xoxo

Becky68 said...

Those are good! I used to have a bumpersticker with #2 on it, on my last car, it also had one which said 'this would be funny if it weren't happening to me' (I bought this car during the divorce proceedings)
my mother has one which says 'I think, therefore I'm liberal'
& Since I'm in the south & don't want my car keyed I settled for 'Think it's not illegal yet.
Here from Micheles tonight but I stop by once in awhile anyway!

NANCY said...

Judy,

Please read about the fire on yesterday's post. Thanks

Catherine said...

Some of these are old ones, but still good for a chuckle. Michele says hi!

rosemary said...

Funny, funny. Love these and they are a laugh every time I read them.

BreadBox said...

Judy,
What a lovely list! I actually came up with a version of the "picture worth a thousand words" one earlier this year: unsurprised to see that it was much older, but this is the first time I've seen it written down:-)

Michele gave me directions for how to get here tonight!
Best,
N.

R. Sherman said...

Give me ambiguity or give me something else!

I was on my way here anyway, but Michele says, "Hello."

Cheers.

claude said...

My favourite :
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it
But I don't agree with
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
I'd go crazy with constant background music! ;)

Paul Sveda said...

I'd go nuts with a sound track to my life. I am far too picky and it would become far too repetitive awful quick. Thanks for a good laugh though.

Cheers,

P.

Michele sent me!

gautami tripathy said...

Michele sent me over to have a good laugh over the inbetweens!

Badabing said...

Very funny. I actually saw the "I don't suffer from insanity..." one on a bumper sticker this morning.

My favorite insanity in between is "insanity is hereditary...you get it from your kids."

Peter said...

Hi Judy, I like your title "inbetweens" and your "tweenies"

Shephard said...

The ham and eggs one... very clever and thought-provoking, but also... kinda sad. Loved these, Judy.

~S

Badaunt said...

I have #6 on a t-shirt. :-)

My grandpa had a variation on #16. He used to say, "Once you're over the hill you start to pick up speed."