Monday, July 30


Some lovely person knew I needed something to post today - and so she sent me these. I know some of them are old, but they are all funny. I hope you enjoy them!

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered. "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, he wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN no name AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. wouldn't submit his name.

PLEASE, tell me how in the world doctors and nurses can keep a straight face when their patients say things like these??!!


Nancy said...


Loved the doctor stories! You know, they make mistakes,too.
A man was having a testacle removed and the doctor removed the wrong one!
Moral of the story:

Maria said...

I had an elderly and very hard of hearing Aunt Maye, who called to tell me the doctor had just told her that her husbanc of 60 years had "Old-timmers" disease. It took awhile before I realized that my Uncle Bill had just been diagnosed with Alzheimers'

Ever since our family has fondly called the disease by her way of hearing it. Somehow it seems to fit.

Becky68 said...

Oh those are hilarious!
I can imagine being an ER doctor or nurse especially you must see all kinds of bizarre things.
Michele sent me to laugh along with you!

mar said...

LOL, these are great!!! Just have to mail them to my friends in the medical profession!

BreadBox said...

It is difficult for me to keep a straight face just reading these. The Oscar Meyer wiener one made me bust out laughing out loud!

Visiting down the comment queue at Michele's today.

Beverly said...

What a hit these are! They are so funny, along with the stories that have been added by your commenters.

The King said...

Loved the Kentucky jelly one.

Kay Dennison said...

lol Judy! My doctor who delivered my son told me that during his residency in San Francisco a patient named her daughter Placenta!

colleen said...

Just another fun day in the ER!

About those blogline doctors:
I emailed them to ask them to fix the problem. It wasn't the first time I did, but this time I got an answer back saying they fixed the problem. It feels wonderful to be seen!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Them's all good and none has I seen nor heard of before.

Listen, Judy, unload the "die for" macaroni and cheese recipe you mentioned in commenting on Tan Lucy Pez's site. I always needing some marconi.....


OldHorsetailSnake said...

Remedy: Your comment was on Tabor's site, not Tan Lucy's.


Shephard said...

All amusing! Fun read!

Shephard said...

Answered your questions on my blog. Those were very good examples Judy.

'B' said...

Michele sent me to give you this one...

The Cardiologist and the Mechanic

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage ' Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?'

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year (a pretty small salary) and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?'

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...

' Try doing it with the engine running.'

Helen said...

Those were priceless. I especially liked #7 and #8.

joared said...

You're right about people in the medical field needing to know when to keep a straight face and when they can laugh. When I was in graduate training in an allied medical field, another such trainee laughed inappropriately at something a patient said in all seriousness resulting in humiliating the patient and possible long term psychological effects. The trainee was kicked out of the program immediately.

Granny Annie said...

Loved #3. I remember after my heart attack coming in and out of consciousness and thinking they were saying something about mighty farts! LOL

rosemary said...

I remember reading the pathology report of a man on my team when I was a nurse that involved a carrot...what was funnier, when I made rounds with the doctor the next morning, the patient said "Hi, what's up doc?"