Thursday, September 24

A Trip to H*me D*pot

I only wish I had written this:

You are in the middle of some kind of project around

the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in,

painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and

sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work

clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in

crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what,

and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement

project you realize! you need to run to Home Depot to get

some thing to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry

your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes.

Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your

favorite cologne because you never know, you just might

meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.

And you went to school with the pretty girl running the

register.


In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.

Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for

much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check

yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your

favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running

the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school

with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long

enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put

on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle

of Brut Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste

any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the
mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy

young thing running the register is your daughter's age and

you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off

your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you

don't want to get dog doo-doo in your new sports car. Check

yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt

anymore because it makes you look fat The Cutie running

the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think

you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is

from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms .'

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.

Hose the dog doo-doo off your shoes. The mirror was

shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have

underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.

The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't

have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until

the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even

notice the dog doo-doo on your shoes. The young thing at

the register smiles at you because you remind her of her

grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again.

Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot.

Go to Wal Mart instead and wander around trying to think

what it is you are looking for, fart out loud and you think
someone called out your name. You went to school with

the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

21 comments:

Gilly said...

LOL!!

Judging from some of the people in our local DIY superstore, they just hitch up their jeans an inch or two and go!

Paint spatters and very low slung jeans are about the norm here!!

But then the girl at the till is older than them anyway, the store has a policy of hiring older men and women because they have more patience, they are more reliable and they don't spend their time chatting up the fit painters and decorators who call in!

Star said...

Very funny, and most likely accurate. When my hubby is in the middle of a project he sends me to HD.

Arkansas Patti said...

People do let things slide witb age don't they. I do remember dressing for the mall, now, what ever people have on when they get the urge is good enough.

Greta said...

Love it! Now, go to burnedtoastandcoffee.blogspot.com for another blog today on Home Depot!

Peter said...

Sounds about right to me Judy.

Maria said...

Oh Judy, I am still laughing. How true this is and like you, I wish I had written it.

I find it interesting that Gilly and Peter have a similar view so it must be a world-wide thing.

Joy Des Jardins said...

I remember seeing this somewhere and thinking...'Yeah, that's pretty accurate.' Very funny too. Thanks Judy.

Shiny Rod said...

I've got worms! Ha Ha!

gs batty said...

This was really accurate and funny. seems you have been looking over my shoulder my whole life. What I can't figure out is why I act like I'm in my eighties and I just turned seventy. Maybe you can help me out with that.

John said...

Very funny and so observant of you!

Looking to the Stars said...

This was great, I loved it. Thanks for the good laugh :)

Nancy said...

Hi Judy,

This is true of men or women.

When I was young I honestly thought that everybody in the whole World was making it their Life's work to notice how I was dressed. Whether my shoes matched my dress; whether I had every hair in place; Whether my lipstick matched my outfit and fingernails and finally, and most important,were the seams in my stockings absolutely straight?

And this was just to go out and get the mail.......You should have seen what I went through to go on a date...Don't ask!

Pat said...

It made sense when I realised it was a man not a woman.

Travelin'Oma said...

I love that the cashier might be cute but you don't have your glasses. One of my problems now is that I think I look cute, and then I put on my glasses.

Greta said...

I'm cracking up over how this has brought us all together! Maybe we could share the idea with the G20 summit??

sage said...

I'm about right for my age group!

Sky said...

this was a hoot!

rosemary said...

Ok this is hysterical and so very true.....I recently went to pick up the dogs from the groomers in my old shorts sans underwear, hastily put on the necessary bra and wore my filthy garden shoes.....I doubt anyone noticed as i blended in quite nicely.

joared said...

This is pretty funny and probably true.

LL Cool Joe said...

Oh this is brilliant!! I loved this!

I found your blog, via Granny Annie's. I'm glad I did!

Darlene said...

So funny. Glad I got around to reading it. Thanks a bunch!