(Or the uncertainty
of the English language)
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,
marriage, and family values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep
with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad where
did my intelligence come from?'> The father replied.
'Well, son, you must have
got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
---------------------------------------------------------
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very
carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided
to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband
said. 'And every now and then I'll try
to send her a few bucks myself.'
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A doctor examining a woman who had been
rushed to the
Emergency Room, took the husband aside,
and said, 'I don't
like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with
the kids.'
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him
if he can remove a curse he has been living with
for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to
tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now
pronounce you man and wife.'
----------------------------------------------------------
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To
Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches..
2. There are no dental
records.
----------------------------------------------------------
A blond calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you
tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco
to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blond says, and hangs
up..
----------------------------------------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were
investigating the murder of Juan
Gonzalez..
'How was he killed?' asked one
detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective
replied..
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know.. But it sure made a hole in
Juan.'
-----------------------------------------------------------
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in
religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't
believe in Hell.'
----------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical
Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four
letter-words the doctor used in
surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
Oops!'
------------------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband
and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been
at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit,
so sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get
a bikini or an all-in-one?'>
'Better get a bikini,' he replied.
'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
.................................................................
The graveside service just barely finished,
when there was massive clap of thunder,
followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning,
accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly
said, 'Well, she's there.'
15 comments:
My favorite is the one where the husband is still in intensive care... will they never learn?
You always manage to give me a few chuckles...and I needed them today!
ROFL!!
Good giggles. Thanks Kenju
These are great Judy....thanks so much. Happy weekend sweetie...
You're right about the DNA, Judy. That's just too weird.
I have a personal take that combines a couple of these: My husband and I met another couple. He said, "I once made out with a girl named Marty." Then we recognized each other. He said, "Oops!"
These were funny!
Oldies but Goodies!
What's the betting that most of those were written by as man - with woman in mind.
"a hole in Juan"....LOL
Got to go with the redneck one though the rest tickled me.
hee hee good ones, I love stuf flike those
A blond calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you
tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco
to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blond says, and hangs up.
Then the blond calls back and the agent books her ticket and asks if she wants a window seat.
"Oh, no," cries the blond,"Don't put me by the window. I'm getting my hair done that day."
Well, I haven't seen those. Really good ones! Thanks for the smiles.
These are great. A few would be good for Kay's groaner days, wouldn't they?
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