Friday, July 17

Just in Case You Haven't Seen These......

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

(Or the uncertainty
of the English language)

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,

marriage, and family values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep

with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

---------------------------------------------------------

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad where

did my intelligence come from?'> The father replied.

'Well, son, you must have

got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

---------------------------------------------------------

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very

carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided

to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband
said. 'And every now and then I'll try
to send her a few bucks myself.'

---------------------------------------------------------

A doctor examining a woman who had been

rushed to the
Emergency Room, took the husband aside,

and said, 'I don't

like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.

'But she's a great cook and really good with
the kids.'

-----------------------------------------------------------

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him
if he can remove a curse he has been living with
for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to
tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now
pronounce you man and wife.'

----------------------------------------------------------

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To
Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches..

2. There are no dental
records.

----------------------------------------------------------

A blond calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you
tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco
to New York City?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blond says, and hangs
up..

----------------------------------------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were

investigating the murder of Juan
Gonzalez..
'How was he killed?' asked one
detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective
replied..

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
'I don't know.. But it sure made a hole in
Juan.'

-----------------------------------------------------------

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in
religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't
believe in Hell.'
----------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical
Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four
letter-words the doctor used in
surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

Oops!'

------------------------------------------------------------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband

and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been

at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had

even considered buying a bathing suit,
so sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get
a bikini or an all-in-one?'>

'Better get a bikini,' he replied.
'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.

.................................................................

The graveside service just barely finished,

when there was massive clap of thunder,

followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning,

accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly
said, 'Well, she's there.'





15 comments:

srp said...

My favorite is the one where the husband is still in intensive care... will they never learn?

Ginnie said...

You always manage to give me a few chuckles...and I needed them today!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

ROFL!!

Chancy said...

Good giggles. Thanks Kenju

Joy Des Jardins said...

These are great Judy....thanks so much. Happy weekend sweetie...

utenzi said...

You're right about the DNA, Judy. That's just too weird.

Travelin'Oma said...

I have a personal take that combines a couple of these: My husband and I met another couple. He said, "I once made out with a girl named Marty." Then we recognized each other. He said, "Oops!"

These were funny!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Oldies but Goodies!

PI said...

What's the betting that most of those were written by as man - with woman in mind.

Granny Annie said...

"a hole in Juan"....LOL

Arkansas Patti said...

Got to go with the redneck one though the rest tickled me.

Palm Springs Savant said...

hee hee good ones, I love stuf flike those

Nancy said...

A blond calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you
tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco
to New York City?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blond says, and hangs up.

Then the blond calls back and the agent books her ticket and asks if she wants a window seat.

"Oh, no," cries the blond,"Don't put me by the window. I'm getting my hair done that day."

Beverly said...

Well, I haven't seen those. Really good ones! Thanks for the smiles.

Fran aka Redondowriter said...

These are great. A few would be good for Kay's groaner days, wouldn't they?