A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine.'
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids'.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you'. The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder. 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records.
A blond calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute..' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.'
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm okay. But I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'OOPS'
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care.
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids'.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you'. The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder. 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records.
A blond calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute..' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.'
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm okay. But I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'OOPS'
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care.
14 comments:
They're all funny and I'd never seen the Mexican detective joke before, Judy. Poor Juan!
My grandpa used to use a version of that first joke all the time! My grandma would say to one of the grandkids, "You're so beautiful, you must have gotten your looks from me!" To which grandpa would reply, "She must have 'cause I still have mine." Laughs all around every time!
I like the 'Oops' one, 'specially since I just watched "House".
Nothing quite like a few good laughs on April Fools Day!
'One minute' I love it!
I like the 'just a minute'.
I'm curious. What is a bathing suit?
The old timey ones that go to your knees are looking better each day.
Thanks for the chuckle.
:))
I loved the "I don't like the look of your wife". I hadn't seen any of those! Thanks for the laugh.
Very funny :D
Thanks for the pointer to Shephard. His blog is one of my regular visits but I really appreciate the thoughtfulnes. Thank you :)
love them all....I haven't worn a bathing suit since I was in high school.
I laughed so hard at some of these!!!! Thanks!
Re the bathing suit joke:
Some 30 years and 30 pounds ago, I bought a bikini on sale. I modeled it for DH and Bo the Dog, and said, "Well, what do you think?" DH said, 'Well, other people wear them.' The dog snickered. Yes, snickered.
I gave the swimsuit to the next-door neighbor. Never wear an item if the dog laughs.
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