Sunday, November 16

Quotes + a Footnote

Stolen from Bailey's Buddy. Thanks, Jay!


The man who is always waving the flag usually waives what it stands for.

Laurence J. Peter, educator and author (1919-1990)


"I protect my right to be a Catholic by preserving your right to believe as a Jew, a Protestant, or non-believer, or as anything else you choose. We know that the price of seeking to force our beliefs on others is that they might some day force theirs on us." (the green emphasis is mine)

Mario Cuomo, 52nd Governor of New York (b. 1932)


"This country will not be a permanently good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a reasonably good place for all of us to live in. "

Theodore Roosevelt, 26th US President (1858-1919)


A sad footnote to this election:

I lost a good email buddy due to my choice of candidate. This guy went to my high school; graduating 2 years before me. He was a cousin of and friends with some of the same people in my group, so I knew him fairly well. Somehow we reconnected through email about 5 years ago, after 45 years of no communication. Nearly every day he sent some good jokes, stories and cartoons. In fact, nearly every time I posted something of his, one of you would ask me...."Where DO you find this stuff??"

He is Republican (a rabid one, it seems), a veteran, and he was very much against Obama from the start. He began circulating some terrible email - you know the type - things that were exaggerated, patently false, taken out of context and in some cases, blown out of proportion to make it look much worse than it was. I don't know who started those emails, but there was fear and loathing and mean-spiritedness in every word.

I took him to task for circulating that ......"You don't know if any of it is true; it spreads hate and fear and is better left unsaid."

He decided, some time in September, not to communicate with me any more. On November 5th, I got a terse email:

"Obama won, but YOU lost. You'll see! "

I replied, "If McCain had won, I would not be saying anything like that to you. I hope I would be as gracious as McCain was when he gave his concession speech."

There was no reply, and when I sent him a birthday message on Nov. 6th, he answered a simple "Thank you". Since then - nothing.

Dare I hope that he will mellow in time? I really deplore that I had to lose a friend because of my choices. Why can't we be more tolerant, and just agree to disagree? Another part of me says...."Why bother? Why be concerned at the loss of such a person. If he would trash a friendship forged 52 years ago in high school over an election, why should I care?


JeanMac said...

Tough one - I guess I'll keep my thoughts to myself on this.

Mahala said...

I had a similar experience.. it's heartbreaking. But.. we can't control the reactions of others.


Kay Dennison said...

I do understand, Judy -- all too well -- and that's all I can say here.

I am a "let's just agree to disagree" kind of gal but the haters of this world can't do that. I'm a lover not a fighter.

Loren said...

I guess my circle of close friends is much smaller than yours. Small enough that all of us share a similar set of beliefs.

But I think this has been the most divisive election in my lifetime. There are several people that I thought I admired that I will no longer talk politics with, or much else for that matter.

Hale McKay said...

We are free to like and to vote for whom we choose.

Our politics and beliefs differ, but it doesn't mean we have to distance ourselves. To end a friendship over an election? It's stupid.

It ended when the votes were counted.

I'm willing, as everyone should, to give the man a chance.

G in Berlin said...

One should always stand up for what is right. I braced my own mother on such e-mails and I lost acquaintances as well for saying that racist spam was not acceptable. But all eveil needs is for good people to stand silent and as racism bubbles across America now is the time to stand firm. Before the election, I wept when I saw what people felt comfortable saying: while I knew there was racism in America the difference between my country and others (like the one I am in) had always been how unacceptable displaying it was. The election made me proud again and as I now read of the filth occurring in areas I stand proud knowing that these people, their actions, are not the "real Amerca". If they can't get past the hatefulness, I can give them no audience. And this man- if you know now what he is made of- be grateful that you need not regret his absence other than regret for who you actually thought that he was.

Cravey said...

Me too Judy.
All I think I can do is wait and see, and hope they are big enough people to acknowledge they were wrong or that Obama is not a "puppy kicking muslim" (basically what my friends hate-ridden emails implied).
I fear, they will not be able to acknowledge it even if Obama whips out a magic wand and cures all the country's ails. I am so sad for your lost friendship, it really doesn't make sense.


Bob-kat said...

I am sorry to hear about the loss of a friendship. It's his choice though Judy and not yours and that is a shame.

As an outsider I have watched the aftermath of the election with interest and sadness. 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal' is the first line of your Declaration of Independance but it seems that many of your countrymen don't really understand what this means. The backlash against Obama and the introduction of Prop 8 baffle me in a country that fights for the freedom of other people but not, it seems it's own citizens. I am gald that there are more enlightened people like you!

Star said...

It is difficult to comprehend that at the same time the country can elect an President of color, someone would react in that way. Perhaps he will mellow as you say.

Granny Annie said...

I supported McCain. I rejoiced in the end of the election. My prayer now is for our country to fair well under the Obama Presidency and rejoice with friends and family members who supported Obama.

Others seem to be wishing for our downfall so they can say "told you so." I am totally convinced that if the shoe were on the other foot, some Obama supporters would carry the same hostilities. The bitterness shall pass for those carrying grudges and those rubbing salt in the wounds. We all must be the bigger persons to heal important friendships and realize our end goals are the same for a continued free nation and the best country on earth.

P.S. Love the Mario Cuoma quote.

No_Newz said...

Well he wasn't a REAL friend anyhow. Real friends can have differences of opinion and it not be the be all end all of a relationship. Still sucks.

Happy Sunday!!

bobbie said...

A great post. I'm sorry you lost an email friend, but it's really his loss, not yours. I hope he will mellow and come back after a time. Who knows? Maybe he'll see that your choice was right after all, and concede this to you eventually.

Tabor said...

Politics and is rare to change someone to your beliefs unless they are still young. Live and let live and don't be rude I say. I had someone email me something not too nice on Sarah Palin (whom I totally do not like) and it was incorrect, so I researched and sent back an email with the correction about her which was in her favor. The truth will set us free.

Nancy said...


I am sorry you lost an Email friend but so much good has already come out of the election of Barack Obama that I feel it may be worth it. I lost one or two myself and I seldom say anything political on line.

The best line I read so far is a quote by a Black man in the Philadelphia Inquirer. He said " I am not proud just because a Black man won the election, I am proud and pleased that most of the people who elected him weren't black."

Joy Des Jardins said...

I'm sorry that had to happen Judy. Some people just can't find it in themsleves to tolerate the differences in people's beliefs from their own...even when it comes to old friends. I hope he re-evalutates the situation and realizes just how much he gives up in losing your friendship. It all seems so silly in the big picture.

Inanna said...

It was a tough election. It wasn't the support that was thrown one way or the other but the basless, false rhetoric that really showed me the true colors of some people that I know. I didn't lose any friends, acquaintences maybe, but not friends, which I'm thankful for.

I just want us all to succeed. Some people would rather we fail than to succeed under Obama, that is the true tragedy!

tiff said...

Judy - have faith. Things are as they are meant to be, and only patience will bring understanding.

I feel for you.

colleen said...

Something similar but in reverse happened to me the last election.
When Bush won the re-election I was DEVASTATED. I got an email from a family there...the country is hard working conservatives...I told you so...sort of thing. I shot something back and then got called a baby. I tried to explain that I was truly grieving and it was no time to rub my face in it. WE eventually made up. But I knew I also would never do such a thing to my Repbublican friends this time around.

Chancy said...

IMO He took politics too far.

PS: The ID letters I had to type to post this were "traters"
Pronounce it and I guess that is how your ex friend feels about all of us who voted for Obanm:)

Fran aka Redondowriter said...

I think you are better off that he backed off, Judy, if something like a disagreement on candidates caused him to turn tail. I really liked your reply about the graciousness of McCain's concession speech. People like your friend scare me because they are so hateful.

Some of my high school friends are just like your friend--in fact, many of them. I simply refuse to discuss politics--ever.

PI said...

We should be allowed to differ and maintain real friendships but for him to behave so badly I can only wonder if he is suffering some trauma - possibly a painful and debilitating illness or great mental strain. What ever the reason I'm very sorry it has happened to you and my loss seems nothing in comparison. A big hug Judy.

joared said...

I had a number of friends in my community "cool" considerably and pretty much cut me off twenty years ago when I stood by a mutual friend who changed life style. They're civil and even friendly when we meet, and one most recently said, "We really need to get together," but I learned from past experience to leave the first contact to them. Of course, that never happens.

I'm suspecting some new cut offs because of my political stance in recent years and in the most recent election, even though I was not aggressive in pushing my position.

Unfortunately, that's just part of life and some people are only comfortable when surrounded by those who think like they do.

oklhdan said...

This election brought out the best and unfortunately the worse in people. The internet is a great thing but it aided in the spread of fear and falsehoods. I feel really bad for people who are so filled fear that it makes them do and say crazy things.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

That is a tough one, Judy....I don't know. Someone who so violently disagrees with me---Well, I would have to re-think this relationship from the inside.
To send out "Hate" Email---well, I'm afraid that it might just make me go--Who is this person? And do I want to be friends with someone who is so far apart from my beliefs and ideals?
I'm sorry for your loss, my dear, but perhaps it was inevitable.

Thumper said...

Kinda sad that anyone could walk away from this election not grasping that it really wasn't about who won or who lost... I'm terribly sorry that you've apparently lost a friend over this. I honestly know how that feels.

VitaminSea said...

I think this election has brought out the worst in some people.

I had some of the worst, and most racist emails arrive after Obama was elected, and it stunned me to think that people I was friends with had so much inner hatred, that they would feel as if the country IS going to fall apart, without even giving the man a chance.

It's just sad, but maybe this is what our country needed to go through, to find out who we really are as a nation.

I just hope we all rise above the negativity and work together to bring this country back up on it's feet again.

Maybe your friend will come around again in time. But in the meantime, I'm glad that YOU are not one of those people who would act that way!

Mojo said...

He'll get over it or he won't. That's not your call to make. If you want to keep the friendship, all you can do is hope that the better times I believe are coming will cause him to rethink his position and be prepared to not respond "fittingly" if and when that happens.

But whatever happens or doesn't happen with your friend, you have the security of knowing that you stood by your beliefs, voted your conscience and in many opinions -- my own included -- helped make this a better America.

I'll put the betterment of all ahead of the friendship of one any time.

Farrago said...

Don't take this one on the chin, Judy. The guy is a loser — and a sore one, at that. The only unfortunate part about it is that it took 52 years for him to reveal that to you.

If he can't tolerate you for what you believe, then what other beliefs of yours would tick him off? Any guesses as to why he was "against Obama from the start?" I'd bet my first guess would be correct.

It's his loss, Judy, not yours.

Carolyn said...

Judy, I'm just now catching up. So sorry about this! The guy obviously is a sore loser. He had it his way the last 8 years and look where it's gotten us (him included). Unless he got out with a billion in the bank, I'd bet he's biting the bullet right now too and probably cursing the DOW/Jones and the Bush/Chaney's hidden Swiss accounts, etc. but he can't bring himself to admit it because that would mean he might have supported the wrong party all these years beforehand too.

I had "another" experience in church recently. I want to post about it, but a little afraid in case an actual townie might see it. I might do it carefully ;)

sage said...

Sorry about your loss... Maybe he'll come around, but it has to be his choice.

Sky said...

i am sorry you feel a sense of loss.

i came to believe during this election that many people pinned false accusations on obama when in fact the real issue they had difficulty with was his race. i say this because some of the things these people said they believed about him were illogical and could be shown to be false. these were relatively intelligent people so it just never made sense that 2+2=5 for them.

i think many people are ashamed of racist feelings and therefore hide behind other issues. they can't admit the truth of their feelings even to themselves. i think a lot of this human condition, bigotry, came to the forefront in this election and is, to a huge extent, why there was so much passionate dislike of obama for all sorts of reasons that had nothing to do with anything he had ever actually done, said, or supported.

i have 2 republican friends i see very little of because they are in a different state and because we have less in common than i have with other friends when i am in their area. i prioritize my time. i agree with the commenters here about examining the loss - what the depth of the friendship really is/was.

a blogger has wanted to meet me in person. she lives in WA and is, i came to learn, a passionate republican whose recent email to me looked much like a page of republican propaganda. after i read the untruths she declared over and over in her letter i realized i have no desire to establish a real life connection with someone whose basic value system is so different from mine. i will not be meeting her - there is no potential there for a real friendship. i am too old to waste my time.