Saturday, November 15

Punster Alert!

Some of these are older than I am, but you might get a chuckle out of them:

1.The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical
Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in
France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes in-verse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

10 comments:

Kay Dennison said...

Damn, Judy!!! These should have been submitted to The Friday Groaner!!!! LOL

Sky said...

lol - i have never seen any of these. too clever.

Mar said...

How funny!!!

PI said...

Sadly the only ones I remember are the censorable ones. A misspent youth!

Granny Annie said...

Are you a member of the ISPF (International Save the Pun Foundation)? If not, you should be and submit those great ones for December.

Locker room humor -- jocularity

Beverly said...

Most of these are new,some not...all funny. I love puns.

My word verification is carme, almost like Carmi. :-)

Nancy said...

All great fun, Judy. How about these?

If a parsley farmer is sued, could they garnish his wages?

OR:

Two batteries walk into a bar and the bartender says,' I'll serve you guys, but don't START ANYTHING."

Palm Springs Savant said...

((Groaning)) Good ones tho.

srp said...

Very, very punny indeed!

Star said...

Lots of fun Judy. And Nancy too.