Friday, February 29

Unanswered Questions

The baby has nothing to do with the post - I just like the photo!
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ?

Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells 'THEIRS'?


rosemary said...

Love every single one.....I learned to swear while I was a nurse.

PI said...

Those are very clever. Why does one instantly forget them - or is it just me?
BTW You were very much in my thoughts when I wrote my last post. I love the baby too. Michele sent me this time.

Jay said...

I wish that I could still get enjoyment out of chewing on my own foot.

Beverly said...

Those are great! And I love the photo.

Nancy said...


Along the same lines:

Two cannibals are eating a clown and one turns to the other and says,"Does this taste funny to you?"

Anna said...

Aaahh....such simple pleasures....when you are an adult, "open mouth, insert foot" means something totally different!


Rauf said...

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law BEFORE the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.

When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law AFTER the criminal has been arrested, we call him a defense attorney.

Heather said...

Hello! Michele sent me. Thank you for the giggle tonight. I like the IRS one.

Wendy said...

Oh this post is really really funny!!
Thanks for the chuckles. I love the baby photo. Should be an ad for BabysRUs!
Found your blog through "Lacouchee kid".

rashbre said...

What a hoot! Michele sent me here today to enjoy some good humour.

gautami tripathy said...

Although I had read this before, I still enjoyed this post. Thanks!

I think Michele too would like this!

Carmi said...

This has a delightfully Steven Wright-ish feel to it. I can't stop smiling.

I'm way overdue for my "from-Michele" visit. Blogger was having a bad stretch when I tried last night, so I shut the laptop down and decided to unplug completely for the evening.

It was a nice change from the usual.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Oh These Are All GREAT, Judy! I LOVE THEM!! You always have the BEST "sayings" and Questions....!

It's not too late to join this SIGN Meme today, Judy. I noticed that some people who signed up have not posted yet...! I have to somehow get out and try to get some pictures of SIGNS around town here, without exposing myself to a lot of people...LOL!
Can't wait to see that Sign from Switzerland!

Sonia said...

Just stopping by to say hello and thanks for your visiting.

Flora is SOOO dear sweet with her family... but with unfamiliar people and outside dogs and cats.. Oh My! She is really anti-social! LOL!

I hope you and Mr. Kenju have a nice weekend!

Seamus said...

The last is SO VERY TRUE and thus the need for the next to the last!

Bob-kat said...

These are very amusing adn I think the one about driving is true! However, I am sure my mother would say it was having us kids! LOL!

Michele sent me this time :) I had already commented on your latest post so I came here.

Jamie Dawn said...

Cute & clever. I've heard that Preparation H is good to use under the eyes. I have never tried it.
As for the Lipton tea workers taking coffee breaks. I think I told you that I don't care for coffee, so I've never taken a coffee break in my life. I know I'm odd for not drinking it, but I don't like the taste.
That baby photo is adorable.
AND the piggy with those puppies is just darling.

Claude said...

My favourite is 'Whatever happened to Preparations A through G'
Just the sort of thing I might have wondered about as a little girl!

Anonymous said...

Those are tight...this is - try these ones out...

If you had only one hand, would second hand smoking effect you?
Do suicide hotlines have hold?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Have you ever wondered why in the 1500's nude photos/painting were art, while today it's pornography?
If you are old and are in a bathtub how would you know if you have been in there too long?
If you can see your breath outide on a cold day, could you see your fart?
If you wear contact lens and you died with them in your eyes, do they take them out?
Why do 24 Hr. stores have locks on the doors?
Why do you drive on a Parkway, and Park in a Driveway..?
If you could smell a color what would be the best one to smell?
In china or other countries, do they have (C.O.L.) China On-Line?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Can blind people see in their dreams? Do they dream??
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
If Wile E.Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why couldn't he just buy dinner?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?