Sunday, June 27

More Puns for Smart People





Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of
speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable
occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two
tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's
a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your
count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg
but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get
repossessed

With her marriage, she got a new
name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is
fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge
it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down
under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and
taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never
developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is
a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen
a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know
basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

11 comments:

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

These are fun! I especially like the one about Santa's helpers!

Kay Dennison said...

LOL Fabulous!!!!!

One Woman's Journey said...

Thank you for making me smile on this hot afternoon. Loved the pictures of your pool on a previous entry.

Pat said...

They are just so brilliant. Who are these people who think them up? Is their talent ever recognised?

srp said...

These are great! I gave the first ones to the Sunday School leader... he always tries to start the class with a short funny..... 4 days until the brother arrives.

Barbara said...

These are great! Just catching up on blogs, have missed reading yours!

Dianne said...

there are great!!
I kept saying to myself 'oh that's my favorite' and then I'd read the next one :)

Arkansas Patti said...

Yikes, I am still groaning from the last bunch. I do love puns so it is a happy groan.
"A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine."
Have to relate to that one.

colleen said...

People are so clever.I love this sort of word play but I can never come close to creating such good ones.

Weary Hag said...

Fabulous puns... I thought I'd scroll down a li'l bit since I came by to see your pics ...can't see any wedding pics yet, either they won't load or it's my computer. Wonderful puns, Judy... you always find the best of the best...!

Weary Hag said...

I don't know what happened. Your pics won't load for me and then the comment I tried to leave went away. Pff. I don't think it was accepted yet because I didn't put in comment moderation yet, but it left the screen!
Anyway... wonderful puns here!!!