Tuesday, August 25

When You Have Nothing Else.....

You post old emails!.....

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not

knowing his zipper

was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant

walked up to

him and said, 'This morning when you left your house,

did you close

your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd

closed the

garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by

the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed

his fly was open,

and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's

question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by

her desk to ask,

'When my garage door was open, did you see my

Hummer parked in


She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an

old mini van with two flat tires..

An older gentleman....

Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have

him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the

gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor

and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family

must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations.

I've changed my will three times!'

An older couple had dinner at another couple's house,

and after eating, the wives left the table and went into

the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,

'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was

really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the

The first man thought and thought and finally said,

'What is the name of that flower you give to someone

you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then

turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's

the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients

being discharged. However, while working as a

student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already

dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet,

who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me

wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom

changing out of her hospital gown.'

A Couple in their nineties are both having problems

remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells

them that they're physically okay, but they might want to

start writing things down to help them remember ..

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up

from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?'

he asks.

'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'


'Don't you think you should write it down so you

can remember it?' she asks.

'No, I can remember it.'

'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe

you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'

He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice

cream with strawberries.'

'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that,

write it down?' she asks.

Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down,

I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and

whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,

The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife

a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for

a moment ,

'Where's my toast ?'

A man said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'


'Do I know her?'


'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

'I don't know.'

'Why in the world do you want to marry

her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a

new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars,

but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty..'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to

get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking

down the street with a gorgeous young woman on

his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris

and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc:

'Get a hot mama and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said,

'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'


Shiny Rod said...

Very funny darlin, The first one was my favorite. I don't know how many time my garage door was left open. Sometimes, it's just the slacks.

bobbie said...

Sometimes the oldies are definitely the goodies!

Arkansas Patti said...

A decent cup of coffee and some good chuckles, what a great way to start the morning. Kind of favored the old fellow and his will. Clever and funny. Thanks so much.

themom said...

Thanks for the wonderful laughs to start my day!!! Beats reading the news (which I will get to soon). Have a great one!

oklhdan said...

I love these!!!!!!!!!!! What a hoot! Thanks for the laugh...

srp said...

I had to print some of these off to give to our Sunday School class president. He is always looking for some good ones for the senior class.... the old folks class that is...

colleen said...

Good for a new laugh. She should have said "barn door."

Darlene said...

These have been around awhile but they are always good for a laugh. I enjoyed them again.

Buzzardbilly said...

I like the hard of hearing fellas going for the beer :)

Barry said...

Loved them. Some were familiar but most were new to me.

Seamus said...

Judy, the caterpillar that was in your previous post was the larvae of an American Dagger Moth. I found this link to the finished version! I don't think the little daggers are lethal! http://www.pbase.com/kenlebo/image/90036965

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL...Some really good ones but a little too close to home in a lot of ways...lol!

tiff said...

These are just great for a late-night smile.

Grannymar said...

I just stole them to pass on to a non blogger.

Talent and laughter are always available here at Imagine.