Saturday, January 10

New Definitions

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no nooky.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just down-graded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. (which hopefully will come back someday soon)


Kay Dennison said...

I can relate. I don't want pity -- I want relief from the penny ante bureaucrats who are robbing us blind for our last nickel.

Do I sound crabby? Try living on nothing by today's standards.

Alexa said...

Tell me about it! 250 people got fired at my company yesterday, and I am happy to still be working (even for less than I was making at my last job), and hoping that my my 401K doesn't lose too many more thousands before I have to live off it (hey, at least I have one).
Gratitude is key—count your blessings, however meager you may perceive them to be.

Mar said...

A sense of humour is important, particularly in difficult times...ha!
Loved the "cash flow"!

Awareness said...

what a mess, mess, mess.... on the news tonight, there was a story on the US gov't bail out of the banks and no one is paying attention to where the bail out money has gone! Half of the intended cash has been given out, and no accountability process was put in place! What the heck??

Glad a new skipper is taking the reins very soon. My heart bleeds for the guy. What a mess he has to begin to clean up.

sonia a. mascaro said...

Hi Judy,
Just dropping by to say hello and wishing to you and yours a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

PI said...

I read the other day that a couple of bloggers didn't check their bank statements - 'that's the bank's job.'
Are they mad????

PI said...

Re what Alexa says - I have just been watching 'the Diary of Anne Frank', Heart breaking but really makes one realise how very fortunate most of us are, just to have our freedom.

Tabor said...

I keep thinking about the ghosts in this economy. They have no computer or computer access and so we really don't know what it happening in their lives.

themom said...

Pathetic...that a country full of the brightest minds has allowed this to happen. Actually, it is a global matter of greed. I'm glad my son has an excellent job, but it will be a long time before he can work back in this country - the jobs are just not here. I have my fingers crossed for a light to show at the end of this tunnel.

rauf said...

You have the best Judy. The best of minds. The best universities. Experts in science Technology and economics, best authors, journalists. All these best minds couldn't stop a few idiots taking the citizens for a ride.

Ginnie said...

Better to laugh than cry...but it's not always possible ! I especially could relate to the Standard and Poor.

Laura said...

Dividend-divide what's left at the end of the quarter and what you get is The End.