Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud. After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.
Behind every successful man, is a surprised mother-in-law.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
You're not a complete idiot, there're still some parts missing.
Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
(You know I didn't write these either, don't you? )