Tuesday, March 1

Old, but Still Very Good

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3.   She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4.   A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.   No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6.  A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7.  A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart
8.  Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.  Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.  I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.  A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18.  In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19.  When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20.   If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21.   A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and  says 'Dam!'
23.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24.   Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25.   Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26.    There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope  that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.



Beverly said...

Oh, I absolutely love puns, and these are great. They may be old, but yes, they are still very good. Thanks for the smile.

Lynn said...

Funny! :)

Celia said...

Loved the puns, I'm passing them on to some pun addict friends, as pun-ishment. Ouch.

Joy Des Jardins said...

I love puns too...and these are some of the best I've seen. Thanks Judy...

LL Cool Joe said...

Very clever! :D

srp said...

These are some of the most intelligent puns I have ever read.... very nice.... although number 9 could almost be an "inadvertent" headline in a newspaper.



Tabor said...

Someone spends a lot of time thinking up double meanings of words! Have not heard one of these before.

Fran aka Redondowriter said...

These are superb!

Anonymous said...

Oh my. Do you suppose some people are this dense? I suppose so.

Pat said...

Those are both funny and clever and reminded me of a naughty joke. (your posts seem to do that to me sometimes - sorry.)
What did the bra say to the top hat?
'You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift.'
I'll get my coat.

Arkansas Patti said...

Is it possible to groan and smile at the same time. You bet it is.

Ruth said...

These are very, very clever. I haven't read most of them before. How doe people think of them?

Ginnie said...

I have to agree with a lot of the commentors ... these are some of the best puns I've ever heard, especially the last one.