Friday, April 30

"...An Illusion I Could Bear..." (in two parts)

When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with.

Anais Nin, writer (1903-1977)

Part One: I've noticed lately, when I look in the mirror, I see 'an illusion I can bear to live with.' And then someone takes a photo of me and the painful truth is there before my eyes. Why is it so hard (when looking in a mirror) to see what is really there? And why does a photo capture the 'real' me, when I can't see it in the mirror?

Have you seen the site that depicts photos of people who shop at that big-box store "mart of Wal?" Only the oddest need show up, of course. I'm curious if any of those people ever just happen to see their photos and if so, do they wonder what in the world they were thinking to go out dressed (or undressed) like that?? Do they see themselves as other see them? Or are they just as blind as most of us?

Are you often surprised at your photos?


The first rose of pristine...before the bugs and beetles take over. I have no idea what the rose has to do with the quote, but I like them both!


Part Two: Having said I would not watch the Oprah interviewing Rielle Hunter - I did. My opinion has not changed....she is in denial, and an obvious airhead. In her search for her "authentic self" (whatever that means) and her quest to live "the truth", she pursued and had an affair with a married man, lied about it, got pregnant, allowed suggestive photos to be taken of her (with her baby), tried to explain them away, and now says she doesn't think she hurt Elizabeth Edwards - and that Oprah would have to ask Elizabeth.

She doesn't feel that she wronged Elizabeth, because, in her words....."I didn't make a commitment to Elizabeth." No, of course, she didn't - but John did - and renewed his vows with her while knowing his mistress was pregnant with his child. In my opinion, the fact that she participated in helping John go against his commitment to Elizabeth is wrongdoing and very hurtful to Elizabeth and all the children. And it doesn't matter how Rielle explains that - it IS wrong (with a capital W). But apparently, it is "an illusion she can live with."

Don't get me wrong.....John is to blame as well. He has a lot of wrongdoing to answer for and any woman who gets involved with him is just asking for trouble. Rielle refused to answer Oprah's question as to whether she has an ongoing relationship with John now. It's ludicrous not to, and the look on Oprah's face as she asked "why not?" was priceless. Another "illusion."

The only reason I have any interest in this is because I met (and was hired by)Andrew Young and I was in the Edwards home twice during the time he was in the Senate. I never met him (or Elizabeth), and now that I know what he is capable of - I'm very glad of that. John, I am sorry that I ever supported your quest for the presidency, and that, is NO illusion!


Gilly said...

I'll leave no comment on your second illusion, because I know nothing about the affair. Though I wouldn't approve if I did!!

But as to photographs - had you realised that when you look in a mirror you see yourself reversed. When you see yourself in a photograph its as others see you, i.e. the 'right' way round. Makes a lot of difference! You always look odd to yourself, and therefore you see things you couldn't see the mirror way.

If you get my meaning!

Star said...

I am assuming you did floral arrangements. What great places your talent takes you!. Oddly, as much as I wanted to believe in the fairy tale love of John & Elizabeth Edwards, I never trusted him. I always felt he wore his charm like a second skin.

Arkansas Patti said...

My mirror loves to give me the "thin" illusion. I am always shocked by pictures.
I was suckered in originally by the John and Elizabeth wonderful marriage.
I guess I could understand John's betrayal if Ms. Hunter were better looking. Pretty sure Elizabeth would feel better also if the other woman were at least beautiful but she is quite plain.
Sad, just sad for the children.

tiff said...

Oh, the camera. MY ENEMY. Somehow it doesn't see that I'm still 25. Inside. :)

John Edwards. Sheesh. And that Rielle thing? Please. Not worth the paper she's printed no.

Granny Annie said...

"Look at my big nose!" I told my sister as we viewed a picture. "You don't have a big nose." she insisted. Then we looked at a picture of her and she suggested "Your camera must do something to noses." LOL

Ms. Hunter would never have been to blame if she had stayed in the background because Edwards was the cheater and the guilty party. But when she grabbed the spotlight she became a party to Elizabeth Edwards pain and suffering.

sage said...

#1--I think the camera adds 15 or 20 pounds!

#2--yes, she's partly to blame, so is John, I liked him but have learned a long time ago not to be too disappointed when our heroes fail us--they always seem to do that sooner or later. There is a song from the musical Hair, that spoke of how easy it is for people to hurt others, especially people who care about social justice...

ABBY said...

I found your post very interesting, and I can attest how hard it is to see oneself. I have lost over 100 pounds, and I still see myself as that size 26 I used to be when I am now a size 12. I have finally become accustomed to shopping in "normal" sized shops, but I still pull sizes too big and I have to go down. Only when I see pictures of myself do I recognize the weight loss. This is a fairly common thing amongst people who have lost weight.

I watched the interview yesterday with Rielle, and I wonder if once she sees it if she will have to alter her consciousness because of the same blindness we are speaking of with not being able to see our bodies.

I also watched Andrew Young and his wife Cherie when they did Oprah (and other TV interviews), and found him to be much more creditable. What did you think?

What amazes me is how people will get sucked into taking such gigantic leaps for other people when they KNOW it's wrong.

Honestly after all of this "stuff" has emerged about John Edwards and co. I don't feel sorry for anyone but the children. Elizabeth has no culpability for John's affair. But, I have questions about her pursuit of power with John. I don't know about any one else, but if I had been given information about a terminal illness I would want to take the remainder of my time on earth as a Godsend and use it in the best possible way for myself and my family --- not pursuing political power. JMO....

Olga said...

Well, I take my glasses off when I look in a mirror and I think that helps not see those wrinkles and sags that show up in pictures. From now on, maybe I'll keep my camera a bit out of focus, too!
I can't make any judgement about the John Edwards marriage and affair(s?), but I will say Ms Hunter was not very compelling in her Oprah interview.

robin andrea said...

I once read that everyone sees themselves as beautiful when they look in the mirror. I think there is a lovely peace in that.

I'm glad you watched and reported on the Hunter/Winfrey interview. She seems like an airhead to me, and it blows my mind that John Edwards strayed to her from his impressive and beautiful Elizabeth. I think both Rielle and John should bear the burden of guilt. But John more so, because he publicly humiliated his wife and with an asinine lightweight platitude-spouting bimbo.

Pat said...

She sounds a first class b---h and he sounds a prize rat-bag.

There's an elderly woman who goes round wearing my clothes and stalks me when I look in shop windows. Such a bore!

rosemary said...

When I see myself in a mirror or photo I am lopsided and off center....appropriate. Steve and I watched the interview and the Young's this AM. As for Ms. Hunter....if she is so authentic then why did she change her name....Ms. Lisa Jo Druck.....she is an airhead, is lying to herself and has absolutely no compassion. Anyone that says she did what was right because she followed her heart and had no part in breaking up a marriage by having an affair is delusional.

Darlene said...

I am constantly surprised by the wrinkles that are apparent in a digital photo. They are not as obvious to me in the mirror. I think it's a way to delude myself of the reality.

As for Ms Hunter; she is as guilty as John is in hurting Elizabeth. She knew he was married when she entered into the affair. Adultery is unforgivable in my estimation because it not only hurts the wronged spouse, it hurts the children. If a man or woman want to stray, they should use the divorce court or control their impulses.

kenju said...

Abby: Yes, I find Andrew much more credible than Rielle or John. When I met Andrew, about 4-5 years ago, I saw how besotted he was with the Edwards family, and I understand why he got so involved with them and did things he shouldn't have. Luckily, he wised up - while the others have not and are still deluding themselves.

LL Cool Joe said...

I used to be shocked by the difference in what I saw in the mirror and then in a photograph, but that's because for a long time I hadn't seen any photos of myself at all.

Now I've just kind of accepted me as I am, warts and all. There's not much I can do about it anyway, so you have to try and accept yourself the way you really are.

Beverly said...

Oh my, what a difference between the mirror and photos, and even the mirror is doing me no favors these days.

I came out of a restroom once and saw this old woman walking toward me, and then I realized that it was I...scary.

Everyone has said everything to be said about Rielle, John, and Elizabeth, so I'll leave it to them.

Beverly said...

I tried three times to post my comment, to no avail. Maybe it didn't need to be said.

amarkonmywall said...

Curiously I am always distressed at my mirror image- I think I have few illusions about what I look like. In addition, I am not at all photogenic so I can't stand to see photographs, either. Don't get me wrong- it's not a false negative image, I just think I'm one of those average looking women aging the way we all do. That being said- and I think this is probably true of most people-a lot of my appearance has to do with things like smiles, animated eyes, dimples. In other words- just looking in the mirror there's not much there but a double chinned almost 60 year old.

You are one of the few people I think of as being blessed with great physical beautiful, throughout your life, including photos I see of you present day.

The part about Edwards and Hunter: they seem almost stereotypically adulterous in the worst sort of ways. He's hopelessly weak and stupid about his relationships and she is morally bankrupt in believing that she is not part and parcel of the destruction.

sonia a. mascaro said...

Great post, Judy!
I am often surprised (in a bad way)when I see my digital photos... Lol! Because of that, I hate photos of myself...
Tiff wrote a very true: "Somehow it doesn't see that I'm still 25. Inside". Me too!