Sunday, March 14

Calling all LEXOPHILES

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two

tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies

like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry

in motion.

6. When a clock is hungry it goes back

four seconds.

7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery

machine was fully recovered.

8. You are stuck with your debt if you

can't budge it.

9. He broke into song because he couldn't

find the key.

10. A calendar's days are numbered.

11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

12. He had a photographic memory which

was never developed.

13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from

prison: a small medium at large.

14. Those who get too big for their britches

will be exposed in the end.

15. When you've seen one shopping center

you've seen a mall.

16. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are

in Seine.

17. When she saw her first strands of gray hair,

she thought she'd dye.

18. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

19. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

20. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer

the agony of de feet.

21. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round

table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size

from too much pi.

22. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan

island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

23. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her

still.

24. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from

algebra class because it was a weapon of math

disruption.

25. No matter how much you push the envelope,

it'll still be stationery.

26. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road

and was cited for littering.

27. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in

a tie.

28. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

The police are looking into it.

29. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

30. I wondered why the baseball kept getting

bigger. Then it hit me.

31. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center

said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

32. A small boy swallowed some coins and was

taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephoned to ask how

he was, a nurse said 'No change yet.'

33. The soldier who survived mustard gas and

pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

34. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe

sects.

*******

A comment I got yesterday revealed this blog - one in which I am quoted! You should check it out, and visit some of the other quoted blogs. It could be interesting!

14 comments:

Kay Dennison said...

Well dang -- a whole list of groaners!!!!! LOL

Arkansas Patti said...

Gotta love them.
That was a neat idea for a post, will check out some of the others.
You are absoultely quote worthy.

Tracie said...

OH my.....my husband's family calls him "Gid" (short for his middle name) and statements like this are referred to as "Gid Jokes" I will have to make sure he doesn't ever get to see this list!!!!! =)

LL Cool Joe said...

Interesting link and post. Thanks for the tip off!

Star said...

Well, you know I am am lexophile. Lots of fun, thanks.

Beverly said...

I do love those.

Grannymar said...

Some of them are are smashers as we say in Ireland. I like that site of quotes. I like what you say and often quote you!

Pat said...

I just wish I could remember them:)

5kidswdisabilities said...

Oh, I LOVED them! I needed a little something to laugh at today!

Lindsey Petersen

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

GOOD ONES!! Iam amazed by the people who can do these...Really Fantastic!

colleen said...

These are great! I love word play.

sage said...

A nice list!

Fran aka Redondowriter said...

Those are great,one and all. Did you create this or is it from someone else's blog? Either way, it's fun.

Pagan Sphinx said...

Ha! You found some great ones!

I hope you're doing well, Judy! I've been catching up and enjoying the posts. Beautiful flowers for the recent wedding.

Thanks!