Friday, March 13

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......and a Cat's

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...


Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................


Thanks to an email friend for this one!

16 comments:

tiff said...

Oh.So.True. :)

PI said...

A dog's life for me then:)

Arkansas Patti said...

That really sums the two up perfectly. I have both. Love the dog for his simplicity and the cat for the challenge.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Thanks for sharing that - it's my first laugh of the day. And, as Tiff says, SO TRUE!

rosemary said...

I have seen this before and would laugh at the cat diary....until the babies and in particular Emma Lee came to live with us.

Darlene said...

Yeah - that describes the dog and cat attitudes to a T. Funny!

Star said...

I love it! And I don't even have a pet!

Ginnie said...

This post reminds me of a married couple I know...he must be a dog and she a cat in their past lives.

srp said...

Why do I see both my dog and the cats in this..... so true, so true. I do think that Mom's cat spends much of her time scheming to get rid of me.... such an angry look she can give.

sage said...

Funny!

Olive's Granddaughter said...

I have a DOG and (three cats). I am a DOG person and if I could wag my tail at this post, I would!

(I'm ignoring the cats.)

Kim Williams said...

very funny. for more cat humor, drop by www.denaharris.com and click over to her blog.

i'm here today from NetChick and she says, HI!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

This is one of my favorites...And I have seen several veriations of it---particularly the CATS Diary...Always Hilarious! LOL!

JeanMac said...

Oh my! The cat words are so perfect.

whimsical brainpan said...

LMAO! Thanks for sharing this.

femail doc said...

I received this some time ago as an e-mail and let it get away from me. Thanks for repeating--I love it!