"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can' t help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body"
Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward .
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country"
Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
A congressional candidate in Texas .
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor .
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
Department of Social Service, Greenville, South Carolina
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
You may have seen these before; the email has been making the rounds. Some of these people should have been wishing the floor would open up and swallow them!