I think I found a word for your condition, John***. You know, that one you call "the dreaded C"?
Definition: The mock philosophy by P. Jennings as depicted in The Spectator (1948) claiming that inanimate objects are hostile to humans.
Usage: We are not convinced that its current usage underrepresents its usefulness but we bring it to you, anyway. We can, of course, derive the adjective "resistentialist(ic)" from today's word if the need arises to propagate this lexical lineage.
Suggested Usage: Here is a word we might want to suggest you avoid but, as always, the imaginative will be able to find apropos uses: "My resistentialist bent encourages me to avoid the woods and other areas with lots of hard objects." Should you fall, you might try, "If I were a resistentialist, I would swear that footstool just leapt under my feet from halfway across the room." Then again, you might just lie there silently until medical (or mental) assistance arrives.
Etymology: The word is an artificial concoction of Latin res "thing" + resist laid over "existentialism." Jennings may have gotten his idea from the Russian novel by Yuri Olesha "Envy," whose main character, Nikolai Kavalerov, can't seem to avoid colliding with inanimate objects and is convinced they are conspiring to block his road to success.
***to visit John, click on Romantic Ramblings in my blogroll